Maria's Good Time Fun Blog-o-Rama and Petting Zoo

I'm a Georgia-born, Mississippi-bred, Southern Belle living in sunny Los Angeles, California. I'm just trying to make life in the City of Angels truly feel like a little piece of heaven. Welcome to my blog of humorous anecdotes, mindless ramblings, witty invectives, random observations, and just general thinking out loud. Thanks for stopping by! Ya'll come back now, ya hear?!!!

Wednesday, February 21, 2007


Now that I call Southern California home, it's interesting to note all the little quirks that are specific to the Golden State, and particularly Los Angeles. Movies set in LA are so much more fun to watch now when I recognize some of the locales and understand the inside jokes (see "Clueless," or "Swingers"). In the same spirit of one of my previous posts about being from Mississippi, I'd like to share this list that was passed on to me about my adopted home state:

You know you live in California when:

You drive next to a Porsche and don't notice.

You don't know anyone's phone number unless you check your cell phone.

You speak Spanish, but you're not Mexican.

You begin to "lie" to your friends about how close you are when you know that it'll take you at least an hour to get there.

You drive to your neighborhood block party.

In the winter you can go to the beach and ski at Big Bear on the same day.

You can mow your lawn in your shorts on New Years Day, and get sunburned.

You eat a different ethnic food for every meal.

Calling your neighbors requires knowing their area code.

You don't stop at a STOP sign, you do a California Roll.

You've partied in Tijuana at least 3 times and you don't remember at least 1 of them.

You go to a tanning salon before going to the beach.

You eat pineapple on pizza.

You think that Venice is a beach.

You classify new people you meet by their Area Code. An "818" would never date a "562" and anyone from "323" or "213" is ghetto. Best area code: "949/714”.

Nobody likes anyone from the "909/951" because it stinks there.

You call 911 and they put you on hold.

The gym is packed at 3 pm...on a workday.

You know that if you drive two miles in any direction you will find a McDonald's or a Starbucks.

You know what "Sigalert", "PCH", and “The Five" mean.

You know the meaning behind the name of the 405 freeway.... because it takes 4 hours to get one way, and 5 hours to get back.

It's barely sprinkling rain and there's a report on every news station: "STORM WATCH".

Your monthly house payments exceed your annual income.

The Terminator is your governor.

Wednesday, February 14, 2007

...One Giant Leap For Mankind.


In light of the recent scandal our nation's space program has endured, NASA has implemented a new, more rigorous process by which future astronaut hopefuls will be screened. Below is the newest test that NASA has devised, which will hopefully serve to restore the honor and dignity that we have come to associate with our American astronauts:

NASA Astronaut Screening Test: Revised and updated.

1. Who of the following do you most resemble?

A. John Glenn
B. Scott Glenn
C. Glen Campbell
D. Glenn Close

2. Which of the following do you enjoy watching?

A. I Dream of Jeannie
B. CSI: Orlando
C. Desperate Housewives
D. Dog the Bounty Hunter
E. Three's Company

3. Which of the following items would you not bring on a road trip?

A. Brass knuckles
B. Teddy bear
C. Nunchaku sticks
D. Throwing stars
E. IEDs

4. Which of the following statements best describes the correct relationship between astronauts?

A. More than a working relationship, but less than a romantic one
B. More than a not-romantic relationship, but less than a body-fluid-exchanging one
C. More than a purely physical relationship, but less than one where we don't give each other enough space
D. More than having hot, steaming, bare-assed, mind-blowing sex while orbiting the Earth 250 miles above, but less than doing it on the surface of the moon

5. At the end of the movie 2001: A Space Odyssey, the space ship piloted by Keir Dullea has apparently landed in a lavishly decorated parlor. Which of the following scenarios best describes to you what has happened?

A. The parlor represents the decorative ideal that the apes in the first scene were striving to articulate by clubbing each other with the jawbone.
B. Director Stanley Kubrick went totally off his nut.
C. What kind of astronaut name is "Keir Dullea," anyway? These are stupid questions. I don't have to talk to you. Leave me alone.
D. I said—leave me alone.
E. Won't listen, huh? Here, have some pepper spray.

6. When you hear the words "Houston, we have a problem," what's the first thing that comes to mind?

A. Malfunction in the retro-fire OMS rockets
B. Loss of ceramic heat-shield tiles on takeoff
C. Thruster malfunction in the reaction control system
D. Shuttle commander is attempting to boil crew member's bunny rabbit

7. A space shuttle travels at approximately 15,000 mph. A BB pellet has a velocity of about 50 feet per second. If a space shuttle were launched from Houston and a BB gun were fired simultaneously, which would hit the boyfriend-thieving bitch in the Orlando airport satellite parking lot first?

8. Complete the following sentence:"Three—two—one …"

A. Ignition.
B. Ready or not, here I come!
C. Oh God, oh God, oh GOD, give it to me—now!
D. Roll down the window, Colleen.

Monday, February 12, 2007

Let me hear your body talk!



My hips don't lie either, but my thighs have been known to bend the truth a bit.

Wednesday, February 07, 2007

So cute I wanna bite him!!! But I won't.


I'd like to bid a warm welcome to my new little nephew, Mr. Landon Keith Courtemanche! Landon graced us with his presence at 6:12 pm on Friday, January 19th. He came in at a sturdy 9 lbs 2 ozs. He's just a little muffin top! Cause, you know, that's the best part!