A Spooktacular Time!

I just got home from a Halloween Party. I didn't have time to go out and shop for a costume or to purchase the raw materials to build my own. Normally, I do well with putting something together out of some unique pieces I already have in my closet. But at the moment, most of my stuff is in boxes and stored in my mom's garage, so I had to make do with what limited choices I currently have access to. I mulled over the idea of going as a pirate wench, since that just involves a skirt or some cullotes, a pair of boots, a hoop earring in one ear, a scarf tied around your head, then say, "Aarrrrgh," all night and you're good to go.

Then I started experimenting with a pair of fake glasses I have, and had this "brilliant" idea to go as a "sexy" librarian. I guess she works at the "sexy" library where you can check out some "sexy" books and if you don't turn them in on time, you'll be charged some "sexy" fines. So I stepped into my black stilletos, my black pencil skirt, pulled my hair back, slipped on my glasses, grabbed a stack of books and off I went to my party, thinking I'd put together a pretty cute and clever little costume!

Upon my arrival, however, it seemed that I looked like everything BUT a "sexy" librarian. What I apparently DID look like included the following: a "sexy" professor, a "sexy" teacher, Diana Prince (Wonder Woman's alter ego), and J Lo (I guess from her movie, "The Wedding Planner"). If I held my stack of books and "shushed" people, then they usually got it, but I'm afraid some folks may have just though I was rude.

Oh, well. I tried. Happy Halloween!

Thank you, Chevron Gas and Wendy Shapero

People always ask me how I met my darling boyfriend, William. And they are always surprised and amused when I tell them the story. For you see, dear reader, I met this charming fella, the love of my life, and future father of my children, at a Chevron gas station in Toluca Lake, CA.

It all started one stormy Sunday afternoon in January 2005. I had just dropped off my friend, Wendy Shapero, at her house after enjoying a nice post-church lunch outing together. My car was nearly out of gas, and thankfully, there was a gas station just up the street from her place. I pulled in to the station and pulled up to the pump. It was raining really hard and the wind was blowing like crazy, and there were hardly any other cars out on the road. The gas station was deserted except for myself and the guy working inside.

I had just begun to fill up my tank, when another car pulled into the station and up to the other side of the pump where I was parked. I didn't pay much attention to the other driver, as I just wanted to fill up my car and get out of there and get home. The wind was really picking up, whipping my hair into my face. I struggled to brush it away while holding my keys in one hand and trying to pump gas with the other. I guess I was making a bit of a commotion, as I heard a voice from the other side of the pump say, "Rough weather, huh?" I looked up to see Mr. Tall, Dark, and Handsome, smiling at me from the other side of the pump.

Now, mind you, I wouldn't normally be open to being chatted up by some random guy at a random gas station in LA. And at the time, I wasn't looking at him as Mr. Tall, Dark, and Handsome. I was looking at him as Mr. Guy-On-The-Other-Side-Of-The-Gas-Pump. My guard was definitely up, but he wasn't being creepy or slick, or, "Hey, come here often?" about it. He had a friendly face and a nice smile, and I didn't have any major alarms going off or anything. So we chatted about the weather for a bit, how unusual it was to have such bad rain in LA, the recent Tsunami in Thailand, that kind of thing.

The longer we spoke, the more I felt in my gut that this was a safe, good guy that I was talking to. He asked me my name, and when I told him it was Maria, he said, "No kidding! I just wrote a song a few months ago called, 'Sweet Maria!'" Now, I learned later that when he wrote the song, he didn't know anyone named Maria, and he had never written a song with a girl's name in it. He just happened to think "Maria," sounded nice.

Anyway, finding out we were both in the entertainment industry, we chatted some more about that, and by the time he asked me for my number, I felt comfortable giving it to him. Then we shook hands, and I drove away. And then he used my number. Almost two years later from that fateful day at the Chevron gas station on Riverside Drive in Toluca Lake in my friend Wendy Shapero's neighborhood, we're still going strong.

I just have to be really self-indulgent here and brag on William for a minute. He's quite the renaissance man, as he is an amazingly talented singer, songwriter, producer, composer, and all around bad-ass! You can check out the fruits of his labor and everything he's been up to by clicking here to go to his website. He's one of the hardest working people I know and I'm so proud of him. And he also happens to be a really great guy! You gotta love it when they are hella talented AND good people. Here's to you Papalee! I love you, Big Man!

She works hard for the money!

I've had some crazy jobs in my life. I scooped ice cream without a hair net at a place called Spanky's Ice Cream Parlor, which is not nearly as kinky as it sounds. Get your mind out of the gutter and think, "The Little Rascals." I was a dog, a fox, a badger, a lion, a rabbit, an ostrich, and a twin for a very well-known, shall we say, "global entertainment conglomerate." Years later, I worked for that same conglomerate as an actor (no furry costume required) playing, among other things, a 1940's fictional movie star, a Girl Friday, a singing Space Cadet (get it?), a singing fashion designer, a singing butterfly, and an Indian Storyteller (no singing, just lots of jumping up on and crawling over artificial rocks while growling like a grizzly bear...also not as kinky as it sounds). I once had a job that lasted two days where for eight hours each day, I sat on a stool and cut out thousands of one inch by one inch little squares of fabric of various colors and fibers and double-stick taped them to little boxes next to the name of their corresponding color on these big posters to display all the new colors for the upcoming fall line of kids attire for the upcoming catalogue of, oddly enough, that same global entertainment conglomerate! I've sung "Achey, Breaky Heart," in a five hundred seat theatre for a crowd of ten, five of them being asleep, wearing a white beaded evening gown and a cowboy hat while trying to keep my balance, and my smile, as the stage rocked beneath my feet and the stage lights swung above my head from the movement of the cruise ship bouncing over the waves in the middle of the Baltic Sea. We've all got our stories. What are some of the craziest ways you've ever earned a paycheck?

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Food for thought

Why do I like almonds, but find anything almond flavored kinda nasty tasting? I like banana nut bread and muffins, but not bananas themselves or banana flavored anything else (candy, milkshakes, pudding). I like ketchup, salsa, sun-dried tomatoes, spaghetti sauce, marinara, pizza sauce, and tomato soup, but put a slice of fresh tomato on my hamburger, chop up tomatoes and toss them in a salad, or hand me a plate of tomato slices and mozzarella, and you will have one unhappy girl. I like raw carrots, but cook them and you've lost me. Granny Smith green apples: yum! Every other kind of apple: got no use for them. UNLESS: they're peeled, cooked, seasoned, and filling an apple pie, cobbler, or tart. Then we're in business. Guess you could call me a picky eater. People are funny about food. What are some of your quirks and quibbles when it comes to food?

Thought for the Day

You know how people LOVE to send you those emails with a sweet, sappy, sentimental thought for the day, or an encouraging reminder to remember the simple things that make life worth living, or a special serenity prayer that ends with the threat of eternal damnation if you don't send it to 57 people in the next 20 seconds? Well, in honor of those thoughtful emails, I'd like to share with you a little thought for the day someone recently sent to me. And remember: if you don't forward it to 238 people in the next 5.22 seconds, God will kill your goldfish. Enjoy!

When you are sad -- I will help you get drunk and plot revenge against the sorry bastard who made you sad.

When you are blue -- I will try to dislodge whatever is choking you.

When you smile -- I will know you finally got laid.

When you're happy -- I'll take all of the credit for making you that way.

When you're broke -- I said I'll "PRAY" for you, not Pay for you.

When you are scared -- I will rag on you about it every chance I get.

When you are worried -- I will tell you horrible stories about how much worse it could be until you quit whining.

When you are confused -- I will use little words.

When you are sick -- Stay the hell away from me until you are well again. I don't want whatever you have.

When you fall -- I will point and laugh at your clumsy ass.

This is my oath..... I pledge it to the end.
"Why?" you may ask; because you are my friend.

Thanks, mom!

My head nearly exploded AND I came very near to making passionate love to my computer screen when I saw this preview online. I'm ashamed to say I had heard absolutely NOTHING about this movie. It was my mother, of all people, who brought it to my attention. Bring on the carnage!!! I'm SO there. By the way, in case you're wondering, like me, what "300" refers to, it's the number of Spartans that were up against and defeated the massive Persian army. KICK ASS!!! Click here to see a preview.